Komentarze: 1
No tak... ostatnio bylo jakos tak ciezko. I zastanawiam na ile ja sama wyolbrzymiam problemy a na ile one naprawde istnieja. Ale M. ma racje, w pewnym sensie stawiam siebie w centrum swiata.
Sama siebie zaskakuje. Wydawalo mi sie, ze moge sie przystosowac do kazdych warunkow a okazuje sie, ze tak radykalna zmiana kultury po pewnym czasie to dla mnie za duzo.
Ludzie tutaj mowia innym jezykiem, ale nie tylko w sensie doslownym. Sa na ogol bardziej konserwatywni, nie pala, raczej nie pija, ogladaja filmy I czytaja ksiazki, ktore za bardzo mnie nie interesuja... Brakuje miejsca na dyskusje I na wymiany pogladow. Czasem czuje sie wyizolowana, jakby na uboczu. Jestem tez inaczej traktowana. Nie koniecznie jako Ania, ale 'ta z Zachodu'. To wszystko razem buduje bariere pomiedzy mna a reszta.
Kilka spiec w pracy, poczucie osamotnienia I niska motywacja sprawily ze nie czulam ze cokolwiek ma sens.
Ale poradze sobie. Zaczelam czesciej uprawiac sport, grac na fortepianie I wiecej czytac dla przyjemnosci.
'Saturn' Gunter Grass - ponizej. Nie moge znalezc tlumaczenia.
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Oh well... it has been pretty hard during the last time. And I'm wandering to what extend I'm exaggerating the problems, and to what extend they really exist. But M. is right, in a way I place myself in the middle of the world.
I'm surprised. I had thought that I can adjust to all circumstances. And it turns out that such a radical change of culture might be too much to me.
Most of the people who surround me seem to speak in a different language, but not only literally. They are generally more conservative, they don't smoke, usually don't drink, they watch films and read books that don't really interest me...There is no space for good discussions and interesting exchanges of thoughts. Sometimes I feel isolated, like on a side. I also feel that I'm treated differently. Not really as Ania, but as 'the one from the West'. All of that together builds a barrier between me and the rest.
Some bad situations at work, loneliness and low motivation made me wandering if anything has sense.
But I will cope with that. Started doing more sports, playing piano and reading more for pleasure.
Saturn
In this big house –
from the rats
who know about the drains,
to the pigeons
who know nothing –
I live and suppose much.
Came home late,
opened the house
with my key
and noticed as I hunted for my key
that I needed a key
to enter my own home.
Was quite hungry,
ate a chicken
with my hands
and noticed as I ate the chicken
that I was eating a chicken
which was cold and dead.
Then stooped,
took off both shoes
and noticed as I took off my shoes
that we have to stoop
if we want to take,
shoes off.
I lay horizontal,
smoked the cigarette,
and in the darkness was certain
that someone held out his open hand
when I knocked the ashes
from my cigarette.
At night Saturn comes
and holds out his hand.
With my ashes, he
cleans his teeth, Saturn.
We shall climb
into his jaws.
[Gunter Grass]